Abandoned Codex

Nightblade · Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:19 pm Post subject: The time has come...

Friends, family, countrymen... lend me your ears...er, well eyes in this case...!

Many of you may know I'm a caffiene addict. I need my daily fix. My beverage of choice is, was, and always has been from a young age, Diet Mountain Dew. Yesyes, mock all you want about the dietness, but if you've grown up with something from the age of 5 it will remain with you for most your life.

It has come to my attention however, that evil is afoot. The sadistic sodomizers formerly known as PepsiCo have commited a crime so heinous I hesitate to even type of it. They have....CHANGED THE DIET MOUNTAIN DEW FORMULA!! I know! I was astounded as well. My friends...this absurd alteration of the epic beverage known as diet Mountain Dew is blasphemy of the greatest degree. Not only am I offended by the change of my lovely dew, but it also tastes like low grade ass. Trust me, I was so offended I tried out some low grade ass in a taste test comparison. I almost preferred the ass, but it was lacking caffiene. PepsiCo should know better. Mountain Dew drinkers are some of the most fanatic people in the world, but they are also crazed addicts. YOU DON'T MESS WITH A CRAZED MAN'S ADDICTION FOOLS!!!!!!!

Ahem, anyway... PepsiCo did not act alone. No...they had an accomplice. This accomplice goes by the scientific name, "Sucralose." To your average Joe, it is called "Splenda." Yes that's right. The evil demon known as Splenda has claimed yet another victim in what I have called the, "Not-really-sugar Wars." All around the grocery store Splenda is taking over and ousting other artifical sweeteners and completely demolishing what remains of the sugar empire. Kettle Korn fell to the demons long ago, but now...now Splenda has gone too far. No one takes Diet Mountain Dew away! It is time to rise up! To leave our secluded computer desks and cry out, "I will not go gently into that good night!! I will not kick my caffiene habit without a fight!" Let us throw down the evil that is Splenda and take back the once glorious kingdom of PepsiCo! We shall reincorporate the likely unhealthy artifical sweeteners that once sweetened our sweeterific mountain dew! For I fear, normal Mountain Dew is next. What then? Will we be forced fed Splenda straight from its freakish packaging? Will it be dripped into our systems via IV? I fear my friends, I fear...

So, I come to you now to ask you, NAY! Beg you, to rise up with me. Sign petitions, destroy random things that don't necessarily have anything to do with Pepsi or Splenda, and generally cause much looting, raping, and pillaging etc etc. I have ripped off a poem to commemorate this righteous day when we shall stand forth and be recognized:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Caffiene withdrawl will burn at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

Wise men at their end know Nightblade is right,
Because his words were epic and true they
Drink Splendaless dew into that good night.

Good men, their last dew in hand, cry how right
Nightblade is and praise the real Diet Dew,
Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light!

Wild men who caught and sang of Nightblade's plight,
And learn, in time to stop the evil Splenda,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight,
See the truth of the evilness and doom,
Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light.

And you, my friends, on the AC forums.
Bless me now with your raging and riots,
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage...Rage against the dying of the light.

Now then. Follow me my friends. Fear not for what will happen when the riots overtake the country. My basement is fully stocked with what is left of the original Diet Mountain Dew. I had to visit 10 stores in my county to locate enough to last me a year, but i did it. So, there is nothing to fear from repercussions. Let us go out to the streets and throw down THE MAN!!!
_________________
"Eye level for a kender is door-lock height for the same reason a chipmunk has extra cheek space."

"A kender will take anything that's not nailed down, and a kender with a good claw hammer will get those things too"

Seph · Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:22 pm Post subject:

You have issues.

You can stay.
_________________
"Sleep well, sweet child... the lord holds thee now."

Nightblade · Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:23 pm Post subject:

neq · Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 2:11 am Post subject:

did they change the normal dew formula also?

Gareth · Admin 2 Joined: 26 Mar 2003 Posts: 525

Count yourself lucky. You can't even GET mountain dew in Britain. And the recipe they use in Singapore isn't all that great either... must be something in the water there.

Vicks · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:25 am Post subject:

You can get Mountain Dew in Canada ... but it's got no Caffiene (illegal to make carbonated drinks that contain caffiene that aren't opaque or something...).

But now I think you can get Mountain Dew "energy drinks" that have caffiene in them ... which I imagine is just the U.S formula for Mountain Dew.

But it's all a moot point ... because Coke rules all.

Nightblade · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:48 am Post subject:

Seph · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:18 am Post subject:

This one time me and my buddy we had these red bulls and this 26 of jagermielter and we drank it in shots and then we did jagbombs with the jager and the red bull and we were like wow we're so hyper and we ran around going wheeeee look at us and it was all really cool and stuff and we met these chicks and we gave them some and they were all like whoaaaaaaaaaa thats crazy and then we had some more and they had some more and we were all like sweet yo thats dope and it was all cool and then i woke up in my bed.
_________________
"Sleep well, sweet child... the lord holds thee now."

Nightblade · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:21 am Post subject:

Seph · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:23 am Post subject:

And how did you come to that conclusion? :p
_________________
"Sleep well, sweet child... the lord holds thee now."

Nightblade · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:26 pm Post subject:

Seph · Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 6:03 am Post subject:

Please note the time in between the last listed drink and the time waking up elapsed is around 12 hours...
_________________
"Sleep well, sweet child... the lord holds thee now."

Nightblade · Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:21 pm Post subject: